


Final Push

by wordsareleftbehind (froggydarren)



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-23
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-15 21:37:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/854314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/froggydarren/pseuds/wordsareleftbehind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darren and Chris are keeping their relationship quiet, but then Darren's asked to do something to keep it quiet that he's not comfortable with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Final Push

Darren marched into Michael's office, already in a debatable mood and it didn't help him at all to see the solemn look on his publicist's face.

"Darren."

"What is it this time?" Darren grumbled as he sat down in the uncomfortable chair.

"Have you been on Twitter today?"

"No," Darren sighed, reaching for his phone, "you know I avoid it if I can."

"There's been…"

"Is this about Chris or Mia?" Darren's eyes shot to Michael, "because I know that face by now."

"It's about both, really," Michael turned his laptop to Darren, "the concert the other day…"

"Not my fault she decided to go all rock'n'roll or whatever she meant by that stunt," Darren grumbled.

"I know. I had a talk with her about that. But that's not the only issue."

"You know there are people who will never buy the charade," Darren scrolled through his phone.

"And _you_ know why we have to keep it up," Michael shot him a pointed look, "Darren it's your career on the line here. Yours _and_ Chris'. You know why we're doing this."

"What do you want from me?" Darren's shoulders slumped, fight seeping out of his body.

"I've talked to Mia about this and she's on board…"

"Of course she fucking is," Darren muttered.

"…you guys need to up the ante."

"No."

"Darren…"

"No. Just… I can't. I can do the concerts, the occasional outing with friends, the bullshit that goes on through her Twitter. That I can do. That can be refuted if necessary. Chris knows about those and he's fine with that. But I _will not_ … what were you going to suggest?"

"Look," Michael sighed, "I know you're a better actor than what you're showing with her. You can do better. Smile, hold her hand, _act_ like a boyfriend."

"Michael…"

"Darren."

"Why?"

"Because people aren't buying into you being with her anymore," the publicist pointed out some comments on the website he had open, "and it's not just those who caught on to Chris and you."

"What do you want me to do? I can't …"

"You have an interview coming up," Michael flicked through the calendar on his phone, "you need to drop your non-committal answers and actually refer to your girlfriend."

Darren's face immediately showed his anger.

"Lie?" he glared at his publicist, "You want me to outright _lie_? You… you want me to give them something like that, to completely deny any involvement with Chris."

"Darren, please, don't…"

"No," Darren shook his head, "I can deal with keeping Chris under wraps, keeping the spotlight off us because it does give us the privacy we both want. But I will _not_ , under any circumstances, make him even remotely feel like I don't want him. Like I'm ashamed of him. Because I'm not."

"But…"

"I can't, Michael," Darren whispered, "don't you get it? I can't hurt him like that. I can't. I can't leave us with no way to come clean about what we have."

"Please, at least think about it," Michael tried one last time, but Darren was already halfway out of the door, looking back before he walked out, his face determined and emotionless.

"There's nothing to think about, Michael."

~~~~~

Darren tossed his bag into the car and drove to the studio, thoroughly annoyed after that conversation. Once at work, he was glad there were only rehearsals and no actual shooting because his head wasn't in the right place. He flubbed his lines, messed up his steps and missed his marks until Ryan told him to just go home because there was clearly no use in even trying.

Chris was off at meetings when Darren reached his house, so he settled on the couch and smiled when Brian cuddled in his lap.

"I know," Darren stroke the cat's back, "I wish it was easier. I love him you know? I really do. And this secrecy is … it's just getting to be too much."

Brian purred and nuzzled his head against Darren's stomach, nudging whenever Darren's hand paused. They sat there for a while, Darren flicking through the TV channels absent-mindedly and both startled at the sound of the key in the door.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes," Chris grinned, "you're home early."

"Bad day doesn't cover it," Darren grumbled, craning his neck to accept a light kiss, "Michael called me in this morning."

"Oh?" Chris settled on the couch next to Darren, eyeing him with curiosity "Was it about the gig?"

"The gig, the bullshit, the… everything," Darren replied with a sigh, "he…"

"What is it?" Chris continued to listen, a sense of dread filling him slowly.

"He asked me to call her my _girlfriend_ ," Darren almost spat the word out and shivered when he felt Chris stiffen next to him, "I said no."

"Sweetie…"

"I can't, Chris," Darren gulped, "I will not make it any harder on us. I can't," he looked up to meet Chris' eyes, "I won't hurt you like that."

"But Darren…"

"I know you understand, babe. You're about the only person who _does_ understand. But I can't do it. If I was out as someone with a girlfriend, the repercussions will be insane when we go public. It's bad enough already, when half the world only listens to the one thing I said and refuses to acknowledge I may not be what they want me to. I'm not allowed to flat out say I'm _not_ straight and the hinting is obviously going over people's heads. If I were to say I'm with her… yeah, that'd undo everything I did all this summer and before. I can't do that. I love you and I'm not going to lose you. Not for anything."

All through Darren's impromptu speech, Chris was breathing heavily, his fingers clutching on the edge of the sofa. He understood all too clearly what was at stake for both of them, how much it could hurt them. More than Darren even, he was aware of how many people were out there who would gladly rip them both to shreds, taking the show down in the process.

"Dare," Chris finally found his voice, "I love you too, honey. And you know I would happily parade you around if it were that simple. But it's not," he reached for Darren's hand, "look, if it…" he took a deep breath, steeling himself for the words he didn't want to but needed to say, "if it's what _needs_ to be done…"

"NO!" Darren said louder than he planned and Brian shot out of his lap and into the kitchen, "no no no no, I can't! You don't get it, Chris, I will not say it. I can't," his eyes were swimming in tears, "I fucking _hate_ this! I can't deal with it anymore. And I will not … I can't lose you…" his voice faded and quiet sobs shook his body as he slumped against Chris.

"You won't," Chris whispered into Darren's curls, arms tightening around him, "I won't… I can't let you go."

"I don't want you to," Darren cried, "I know… I am well aware that I sound like a pathetic co-depended baby, but I can't…"

"Sssh," Chris cooed, leaving soft kissed in Darren's hair, "it will be OK, Dare. It will be, eventually."

Darren continued to sniffle quietly, the thought of not being with Chris still filling him with dread and partly anger. He was terrified of so many things, of coming out and facing the wrath of the public, the slurs that Chris already had to deal with, of not coming out and always looking over his shoulder when he was with Chris or going to his place, of the possibility of losing the best part of his life. He'd been considering how willing he would be to give up his career if it guaranteed that he'd be able to be with Chris. But there were no guarantees, no matter what they did.

Eventually, they moved off the couch after Chris called for take-out and coerced the exhausted Darren into eating a little. They finished their dinner in silence and Chris did notice that all through it, some part of their bodies was touching thanks to Darren. It was as if Darren was afraid to lose the connection for even a second.

"Come on," Chris pulled at Darren's hand, "let's go to bed, we'll talk this through in the morning, OK?"

Darren nodded and let Chris lead him to the bedroom and once there, he stood still while Chris worked his hands over their clothing, taking it off and tossing it into the laundry basket. Left it only their underwear, they climbed under the sheets and Darren wrapped himself around Chris immediately, their mouths finding each other automatically.

"I love you," Darren whispered through the kisses, " _God_ , I love you so much."

"Love you too," Chris mumbled under Darren, "we'll be OK."

Darren's hands roamed, covered every inch of skin on Chris' arms and chest, then tangled into the soft hair when his tongue slipped past Chris' lips in a hungry kiss. Meanwhile, Chris slid his hands under the thin layer of Darren's boxers, pressing into the soft flesh of Darren's ass, pulling him closer.

"I want to… I just…" Darren gasped when his hips pushed against Chris' touch, "I want you. I need to know…"

Chris nodded and pulled the sheets off them, then helped Darren shed the last piece of clothing and pulled off his boxer-briefs, relishing in the feel of their naked bodies against each other for a moment. Then Darren was handing him the bottle of lube and Chris didn't hesitate or ask what Darren wanted. There was no need to speak, beyond whispers of "I love you" and "I need you" and "please please please".

Darren's back arched when Chris pulled him higher so he could reach around and press his lube-covered fingers against Darren's hole. His fingers slid in and he quickly added a second and then a third one, stretching Darren just enough before he slicked up his hard cock and slid inside. Once he bottomed out, he pulled Darren's chest to his and turned them around so Darren was on his back, eyes locked on Chris'. They made love slowly, gently, reassuring each other of their feelings, connecting on a level they only ever reached with each other. Darren came once Chris wrapped his hand around his hard-on, whispering Chris' name like a prayer and Chris followed straight after, spilling his come inside Darren, shuddering at the strength of his orgasm.

"I love you," Darren mumbled once they cleaned up and cuddled under the new sheets.

"Love you too," Chris answered, his eyes closing, arms pulling Darren as close as he could.

~~~~~

The next morning came too quick, the sun peeking from behind the blinds and Darren blinked when his eyelids lifted. Chris stirred at the same time and they smiled softly at each other, then after a quick kiss headed to the bathroom to clean up and get dressed.

Darren fed Brian while Chris got their breakfast ready and once they were sitting at the table with their coffee, Chris looked at Darren with an unspoken question in his eyes.

"We need to…" Darren started, then cleared his throat, "OK, let me start again. I… Chris, I don't want to hide anymore," he said, determination obvious in his voice, "I can't. It's too much for both of us."

"Darren…" Chris whispered, but Darren stopped him.

"Look, I am aware of how much of a shitstorm we'll be facing," Chris sighed at Darren's words, "I'm the internet addict, remember?" the statement made both of them chuckle, "which is how I know that not _everyone_ hates the idea. But, we need to do this right."

"How can we, though?" Chris said quietly, "how can we do this so we don't get lynched?"

"So…" Darren smiled, "we are doing this? We'll go public?"

"I can't…" Chris gulped, "the alternative just isn't all that appealing."

"Aaand the winner for _Under-fucking-statement of the Century_ goes to…"

They laughed, though the sound was a little forced.

"Ellen," Chris suddenly blurted, "if anyone, if anywhere, that's the best place to go. She'll… get it."

Darren nodded, "we do need to talk to Ryan, though. I mean, he's likely _very_ aware of us," Chris rolled his eyes as he recalled the multitude of incidents when Ryan or Brad or Ian chastised them for trailer and on-set shenanigans, "but if we go all out…"

"Well, if you're out," Chris teased, "I kind of already am."

"Shush, you," Darren laughed, "I'm actually, for once in my entire life, trying to be serious."

"Puppy face, Darren," Chris pointed out the pout on Darren's lips, "you cannot try to be serious with _that_ on your face."

This time neither of them could hold back the laughter, but the sight of the _Ellen_ coffee mug in Chris' hands brought them back to the conversation.

"OK, so," Darren straightened his back and switched to business mode, "Ryan first? Or parents?"

"Not like they don't know, but," Chris sighed, "I suppose warning them about the hurricane we're about to unleash would be considerate."

"Do we need to make notes?" Darren grumbled, "You know my mind is not the most reliable."

"I'll do it," Chris pulled out his phone, "Ryan, parents, cast," he rolled his eyes, "because Michele and Overstreet and … well, everyone would kill us if they heard from the media, Ashley needs to hear from me and I'm presuming you need to tell Joey and Jeff…" Chris rattled off names and quickly typed them into a note, "I'll talk to Alla, you… I don't know what you want to do about Michael," he lifted his eyes to Darren.

"If you'd asked me yesterday," Darren slumped into his chair, "I'd have said I'll fire him. But no, I'll have a chat with him. He's a friend, hopefully he still will be once we talked this through."

"What about…?" Chris' voice was barely audible.

"Mia?" Darren waited for the acknowledging nod, "She'll be OK. She knew what she was getting herself into. Hell, she was the one who tried to talk me out of it back when."

"OK, that…" Chris opted to steer the conversation back on track, "I think that's it. We'll obviously have to talk to Ellen to even get a slot. You know this might take a while, right?"

"How about we start there?" Darren sat back up, "see how soon we can get on air and then we'll know what time-frame we're dealing with?"

"Oh God," Chris groaned, "Did we just have a business discussion about our relationship?"

Darren grumbled and walked over to Chris to wrap his arms around him, "but just think, once the technicalities are over, I can take you out on a date. Or to Chuck's show. We can hold hands in public. I'll be able to do this," he pressed his mouth into Chris and slid a tongue past the soft lips, leaving Chris a little breathless, "anywhere."

"Oh like hell you will," Chris moaned, "if we go by your choices, you'll be doing shots off me in the middle of Rodeo Drive or something equally exhibitionistic."

"Hmmm… shots of your body," Darren said with a grin, "now that we need to do soon again."

Chris shot him a death glare and pushed Darren off, "OK, want to get this rolling? I'll call Alla and see about a slot on _Ellen_."

"Can you…" Darren's eyes lit up like Chris knew them to do when he had an idea, which ranged from genius to insane, sometimes both, "look, just, if Ellen has a slot, try and see if Alla can get her to call us directly. I promise I'll explain what I just thought."

Chris nodded and scrolled through his phone for his publicist's name, dialling as he watched Darren walk out to get his own phone to call Michael. The conversation with Alla was tense, but short and to the point. He'd discussed the possibility of them going public before and she was always on their side, with a dose of cautiousness because she knew how it could turn against everyone involved. But she also knew not to argue when Chris had his mind set on something, she they hung up with the promise of a call once she talked to Ellen's people.

"Dare?" Chris walked to where Darren was sitting, clutching his phone tight.

"He's… not happy," Darren mumbled, "but he's not going to stop me. Or quit. He's just… not happy."

"I'm sorry, babe," Chris wrapped his arms around Darren's shoulders, "Alla will get back to us soon."

"Want to knock out the Ryan phone call?" Darren's voice shook, "or should we do that one in person?"

"I think… yeah, in person would be better."

~~~~~

The call came the same afternoon and to both their surprise, there was a show to be taped in a few days that someone cancelled, so the timing was perfect. The talk to Ryan went relatively painlessly too, which came as a mild shock. Ellen called late in the evening and Darren explained his plan, which she agreed to after a consultation with her producers. They both braved the calls to their friends and family, some of them together because the squealing was easier to handle on speakerphone with the volume turned down. The amount of "Oh God, _finally_ " reactions sent them into fits of laughter, though none as much as Mark's "Called it! Can someone please mention it somewhere that I called it?" followed by the claim for bragging rights.

Now Darren was sitting in his dressing room the Warner Studios and seriously contemplated taking up biting his fingernails. He knew if he picked up his guitar he would likely end up snapping a string, which wasn't what he wanted to happen this close to being called into the studio. He paced the room up and down, stared at the guitar, straightened his clothes over and over and glared towards the door. His dressing room segment was already filmed, the handheld camera picked up by the PA, so there wasn't much else to do until show time.

"Darren?" Ellen peeked in the door, "you ready?"

"No?" he answered timidly, trying to hide his shaking hands.

Ellen walked in and sat down on the small sofa, then looked at him with an earnest expression she rarely wore.

"Look," she sighed, "this is huge, I know. I'm not going to insult you by asking if you're sure, if this is the right thing or any of the other bullshit. You're here and I know it wasn't a light decision. I do think it will go well, though. I really do."

Darren took a deep breath and looked back at her, "how is he?"

"Better than you, honey," she laughed, "but then, he's done a part of this before. Now," she stood up and reached her hand out, "shall we?"

~~~~~

"Last time he was here," Ellen grinned into the camera, "he serenaded me with a song and I'm pretty sure he's responsible for me getting to be Dory again," the audience cheered, realizing who was about to come on stage, "let's see if he can top that today. Please welcome, Darren Criss!"

Darren danced down the steps and hugged Ellen, catching the whispered "doing well so far, kiddo" that made him smile.

"Now, Darren," Ellen started when the clapping died down, "you're still on _Glee_ , you have a movie due in theatres, I've heard whispers of a possible album… do you ever, oh, I don't know, sleep?"

"Not really, no," Darren laughed, "though the album is not something written in stone at the moment," the audience's disappointment echoed through the studio, "I said at the moment," he threw a glare in their direction, "gee, people."

"Last time you were here, you had the dashing blazer," Ellen pointed out, "what happened to that?"

"Ah," Darren leaned back, "are you saying I'm not dashing anymore?"

"Still dapper as ever, sir," Ellen grinned, "you're not a Warbler anymore and your character has been going through rough times lately, how is that going?"

"It's challenging," Darren's grin faded, "it's an important storyline, as you will all see, I just hope I'm doing it justice. Blaine means a lot to me, not just career-wise. Like a lot of you guys," he turned to the audience, "I'm a fan of the show and I want to get things right there. But," he turned back to Ellen, "I can't disclose too much or I'll get in trouble."

"We wouldn't want that to happen to you," Ellen winked, "even though you could ease people's fears about certain _break-up_ storylines."

"I don't even know!" Darren exclaimed, laughing, "They tell me nothing anymore!"

"Oh well, we'll just have to wait," Ellen said with mock annoyance.

She led the interview into a part about _Imogene_ and Darren gladly answered questions and laughed when she showed the video he posted on Twitter from his drive to the TIFF premiere. Just as they discussed the difference between film and TV sets and Darren was relaxing into the chair, he got tapped on the shoulder and squealed as he came face-to-face with a vampire mask only inches away.

" _Geeeez_!" he eventually laughed, "I should know better now, shouldn't I?" he turned back to Ellen then he heard the audience's gasp.

"You should," Ellen grinned, "but I hear this was payback for something?"

Darren turned back, knowing what to expect, but his voice caught in his throat anyway. Chris was standing behind him, not even trying to hold back laughter as his eyes lit up when they met Darren's.

"Hey Chris," Ellen stood up to hug him, "join us, and tell me more about this payback business."

"There was an episode where this one," Chris poked Darren as he settled on the couch, "decided that he'll improv and play on Kurt's fear of vampires," a screenshot appeared on the TV screen behind them, "and I've been looking to return the scare since, especially since it made the episode."

"Well, I think the squeal was rewarding," Ellen laughed and Darren cringed as Chris nodded, "Now, you two," she looked at them pointedly, "I don't quite want to be telling you what to do," a wink accompanied the statement, "but, you two should totally be dating."

Chris and Darren turned to each other and with a "this is it" look, Darren reached for Chris' hand and they both looked at Ellen, trying to ignore the gasp that sounded through the room.

"Actually," Darren's voice shook slightly and his eyes closed, "since you brought it up…"

The studio, instead of the thunderous shouting Darren was bracing himself for, fell into complete silence, so he could hear his heart beating. Chris' fingers tightened around his hand in reassurance and Darren took a deep breath before opening his eyes and meeting Ellen's. She gave him a nod to urge him on, but waited for him to continue instead of pushing him.

"I have something to share," he sighed, "but first I need to ask everyone to please not judge me too harshly. I've said and did things since I started on _Glee_ that I'm about to contradict, but I want people to remember that we all change."

"You're referring to being a straight man playing a gay character, right?" Ellen kept her eyes on Darren, "which has been sort of a big deal since you got the role."

"Yeah," Darren nodded, "it's still a major thing for a lot of people, that's why today and _this_ is not easy. I know some people will jump to conclusions, some will judge, some will call me a liar. It's not as simple as that, though. I'm not going to try and play games with words, pointing out I never clearly said this or the other, though. But…" he looked over to Chris, whose eyes were locked on Darren's face, "I'm tired of hiding just because people who don't even know me might judge me. Judge _us_. Without making this a huge public service announcement or something," Ellen and Chris laughed softly, the audience was still quiet, like they were holding their breath, "the bottom line is that I fell in love. Which is something we all want, isn't it?"

Darren finally turned to the audience to see them all nodding, most with smiles on their faces, some shocked.

"And he's perfect," Darren turned back to Chris, "he's perfect for me. He might not be what I always thought I wanted, but clearly, I was stupid, because Chris," Darren sighed, "from the first day on set, it's been him, though it took me ridiculously long to figure that one out and then even longer to convince _him_."

"You resisted the dapper charm, Chris?" Ellen laughed and Chris shrugged.

"If you dealt with him on a daily basis," he smiled at Darren, "you'd not find him _that_ charming."

"Well, he must've done something right," Ellen shot Chris a questioning look, "since you're here now."

"I was lucky that he didn't get put off by my stubbornness," Chris glanced at Darren with a smile, "or that he's that little bit more stubborn than me."

"Oh no, that sounds like a challenge," Ellen laughed, "I can see why you two work."

"Yeah, we do," Darren's voice became softer, "we really do. I just hope the world sees it and accepts it."

Ellen shot both of them a sympathetic look, knowing that the boys were up against a lot of people, "I'm sure you two can handle those who aren't as accepting as they should be," she smiled, "what do we think here, guys," her head turned to the audience, "are these two cute or what?"

There was applause and general sounds of agreement from the majority in the audience, though for an inexplicable reason, some still seemed shell-shocked, which almost made Darren laugh. They did the first step and it went well. The rest, they would handle side by side.


End file.
